Breaking the Pattern of Anxiety: 4 Steps Toward a More Peaceful Path
While therapists can help us get through a lot in every session, they can’t be with us in the real world where our triggers live. This is why it’s important to keep the DARE method in your back pocket.
Anxiety coach Barry McDonagh came up with the DARE method as an easy to remember, step-by-step solution to conquering anxiety in the moment.
DARE to try it? Check it out below!
D - Defuse
The first thing to do is defuse all those heavy, anxious thoughts running through your mind. To do this, try meeting every “what if?” question with a “so what?” answer.
For example, if you feel your heart racing and your breath shortening, you may think, “Oh gosh, what if I pass out?”
To that we say—so what?
If you pass out at work, your coworkers will notice and help. They’ll grab you some water, help you back up, and you’ll laugh about it by the end of the week. Nothing crazy.
By stopping and defusing your thoughts mid-track to go over honest, realistic consequences of your fear, that fear begins to fade away. Now, you have a better understanding of how much control you really have in this situation.
A - Allow
One of the biggest lessons people with anxiety can learn is the difference between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. This is especially important while you’re learning how to really “feel” your feelings instead of brushing them off or numbing them out with drugs and alcohol.
Some people mistake “feel your feelings,” with “think about what made you feel that way.”
For example, if you dropped your lunch on the ground and someone advised you to “feel your feelings”, what would you do?
People with anxious thinking cycles might try thinking to themselves, “I can’t believe I just dropped my lunch. It’s sitting there, mingling with the dirt and rocks. I’m so stupid for dropping it. What luck I have.”
This is just presenting yourself with the trigger over and over again. Instead, ask yourself what the disappointment of a lost lunch feels like.
Do you feel tears starting to form?
Does the bridge of your nose start to tickle?
Does your chest feel tight, like it needs to let out a breath?
Focus on the physical symptoms of your feelings and allow them to run their course. Cutting them off short or trying to resist them just makes them fester longer.
R - Run Toward
Turn the anxiety into a similar, positive emotion, like excitement. Literally repeat to yourself, “Oh, I feel excited!” If you have a happy hour or a new show to feel excited about watching later that day, think of it. Let it take over the anxious feelings and turn them into excited ones.
Our body’s response to excitement is very similar to its response to anxiety, helping you overcome it. This is exactly how we push ourselves to jump off high diving boards—we’re nervous about the fall, but we’re excited to feel like we’re flying!
Focus on anything you can be excited about and let your brain believe it.
E - Engage
Get your body busy! It’s time to find something to do while the anxiety settles. Choose something that you find engaging, like watching a video on a topic you’re interested in, playing a quick game with a coworker, or getting started on a task that’s low stress.
The goal is to fully occupy your mind until the anxiety passes and you can move on.
Try this trick anytime, anywhere, when you start to feel yourself panic. And if you feel like your anxiety is getting in the way of you living a full, authentic life, start counseling with us today. In-the-moment practices like these are just one step on a staircase of treatment options we can set up for you.
Click here for more information on Anxiety Treatment.