How Can Borderline Personality Disorder Affect Relationships?

Many of us are familiar to the back-and-forth compromise that comes with settling into a relationship. However, for people with borderline personality disorder (BPD), each compromise can affect their self-esteem—it feels like a deep cut.

Personality disorders in general are characterized by long-term behavioral and thinking patterns. These patterns disrupt one's ability to relate to others and processes their own emotions.

Since relationships are all about emotional vulnerability and two-way support, someone with BPD might feel they're being given another serving of emotional work to manage on top of an already full plate.

But how specifically does BPD affect relationships?

What is Borderline Personality Disorder?

Borderline personality disorder exists when at least five of these symptoms are present:

●      Excessive effort to avoid real or imaginary abandonment

●      Emotional instability and over-the-top breakdowns over daily stressors

●      Chronic feelings of emptiness

●      Persistent inability to build or maintain a sense of self

●      Impulsivity in ways that harm the self (sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating, etc.)

●      Recurring self-harm and attempts or threats of suicide

●      Frequent and inappropriate outbursts of extreme anger and difficulty controlling anger

●      Regularly experiencing intense and unstable relationships

●      Severe dissociation and immediate paranoia at the sign of stress

For many with BPD, relationship instability is driven by an alternating pattern of idealizing the relationship one day and seeing it as insignificant the next. People with BPD can experience episodes of intense anger, anxiety, and depression for several hours or days on end, followed by a period of stability. This makes it hard for those with BPD to enjoy the comfort and routine of a relationship.

Being in a Relationship with Someone who has BPD

Every relationship has its ups and downs.

Because people with BPD struggle to bring intense emotions back down to a stable state, their exciting days can be very joyful, but their tense days can be catastrophic. This can cause others to see them as chaotic and unpredictable, making long-term relationships hard to upkeep.

Don’t let this discount how compassionate those with BPD can be—they can be incredibly eager to spend time with or show affection to their partners. At the same time, they’re extremely sensitive to rejection.

They might read subtle signs of unhappiness as a signal that their partner will leave them. They might escalate small differences in opinion into huge fights. This is followed by intense feelings of paranoia, angry outbursts, or obsessive comments.

These back-and-forth feelings can be difficult to look past when they occur in public places or turn into physically harmful behaviors. However, when partners provide a sense of stability and commit to the emotional needs of someone with BPD, the relationship can flourish.

How BPD Affects Relationships

If you have BPD, you’re probably aware of the times your emotional outbursts affected a relationship. People with BPD tend to experience numerous, short-term romantic flings.

Perhaps your past relationships ended because you left out of fear of your partner leaving first, or because your partner couldn’t cope with the irregularity of emotion.

Try not to let these “failures” stop you from pursuing love again. Instead, let them teach you what to try next time.

Healthy, happy relationships are possible with BPD. Set yourself up for success by seeking treatment. Building a strong, transparent support network of friends and family who understand your symptoms helps, too.

While there may not be a cure for BPD, there are plenty of treatment options available through medication and therapy. You deserve the chance to predict and respond to your emotions, no matter how irregular they may be. Therapy can help. Get started by contacting our office today.